too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
