Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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