Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
