he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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