Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
