i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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