this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
