Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
