i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just blew my weed a kiss
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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