apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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