I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
