if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
