He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
