You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
