yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
