she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
