No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
