get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We need a shit load of segways right now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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