Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The feeling are messing with the penis
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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