thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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