Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A bitchslap is in order.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
