my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
