Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
