just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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