I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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