the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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