Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
