I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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