Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
