She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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