I am spending my child support on dildos
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Found your dick twin last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
