i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
