found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How's work?
Spinning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Found the puke drawer
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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