So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
