My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
