it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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