No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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