you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
