you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
