i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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