Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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