Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize