I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
