So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got chris browned last night
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Randomize