My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
