If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
