We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
even my farts smell like vagina
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
