he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
