I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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