Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
