i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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