i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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