So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Bring me that man meat
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
