3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I touched a dick in church today
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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