Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
