Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
