The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
