Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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