He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
