youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
