It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
