No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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