did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
