We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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