whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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