I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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