you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
