Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
