Can i not drive my cunt home
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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