Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
