I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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