Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
where does the pee come out of this thing
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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