Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
