census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
