maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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