Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
