I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
