You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
