Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
