Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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