what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize