I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
sex in a hospital.. check
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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