I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I need a beard to bite.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
