I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
