yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
