Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
