First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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