I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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