I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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