Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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