I think I died a long time ago.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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