How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Panties = found
Randomize
