I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
