I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
