Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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