Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize