come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
