I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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