She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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