never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
