chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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