If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I forget how to act sober
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
