I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
