Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
