she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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