Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
