you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
