We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
