she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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