i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
