that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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