It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
