He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
