I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
