That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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