If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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