I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
