Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
